As I pray...remember 4 years ago

I posted a few days ago about a mother, Anna, who went to the hospital to have her 7th baby. During that time severe complications have led to her fighting for her life in the ICU. She has had at least 21 blood infusions and 5 surgeries. She has had seizures and many blog clots. Her family is surrounding her in prayer and are there around the clock reading her the Bible, praying, rubbing her feet and being there to calm her anxiety.

Her sister-in-law is a fellow blogger who has a blog sharing her family's journey trying to adopt a child from Africa. For the past week, she has blogged about Anna and found her blog going from 50-60 hits a day to seeing over 10,000 people follow her blog as she shared the updates and specific prayer requests. You can follow the blog and learn how to pray for Anna at http://thegregoires.blogspot.com/.

As you prayer, remember Anna's 7 children and her husband. I know the stress that her children are feeling without her and without dad being he is at Anna's side as much as possible.

Anna's Family before her 7th was born.

As I pray, I am remember a time four years ago. I am remember being in the ICU with my husband. I remember my kids needing me, needing daddy and not understanding why this was happening. As I pray, I remember the long nights in the hospital. I remember the first several weeks friends and family were there around the clock. I remember reading scriptures day and night. I remember praying without ceasing. I remember want to have a personal face to face talk with God.

As I pray, my heart breaks for this family because not only do I pray but I understand. I read the blog and prayer requests and I can hear what the doctors are saying to them. I understand what being in the ICU sounds like, smells like and looks like. I know what the nurses are saying. I know that in the beginning, the first moments, the words make no sense and there are questions that seem to make no sense. I know that you don't know what to ask at first and the information seems to come faster than a brain can process. I know that at the end of the day, the day doesn't end...it doesn't end.

Every moment your spouse is in the ICU is a moment your life is on hold. The only thoughts that consume your mind are in the moment. The future doesn't exist but for the fleeting "what ifs" that you pray God will silence. When I prayed, I would feel clear and peaceful. During that time God gave me true understanding of peace that surpasses all understanding. I felt anxiety that reaches high peaks followed by God quieting my spirit.

Each day had different challenges. How can I be here at his side when he is anxious and only wants to connect eyes with me and still be at home giving kids baths and tucking them in bed at night? How can I sleep when each "new" beep in the room could mean something? How many more times can I hear a nurse or doctor's opinion and not let it color my belief in our Savior having the power over all of it? How on earth did I find myself encouraging our friends and family?

As I pray, I remember. For me, those days turned into months and then over a year. For me, there where more than 5 months of ICU days, 2 months of rehab days and 7 months of in and out of the hospital. For me, I lost my husband four years ago tomorrow. For me, my story is a walk in faith and grief hand in hand. For me, I found my voice, my heart, my passion and the ability to be comfortable in my lack of focus.

As I pray, I thank God this family has Facebook and blogs to share Anna's story, to share prayer requests and to share updates. As I pray, I thank God that I have been able to see into this story...even just peeking from the outside. As I pray, I thank God even though these prayers bring my story, my feelings and my grief to the surface again, that all those things give me the power of specific prayer. As I pray, I understand that God gave me my story and He is using me today to pray. I would love to reach out and do...but being this couple years God has been teaching me the lesson of "being still" I have found that I can just pray.

Four years ago, my story changed in ways I could not have begun to imagine. I now walk in the belief that God speaks to me through my grief. I walk with grief but do not let it walk me. I no longer try to get "rid" of grief but I look forward to seeing what God teaches me as I grieve.

Today, I pray for a different story for Anna. I pray for healing and restoration. I pray for protection over her family and friends as they open their hearts and lives to care for her and her family. But mostly today, I pray for Anna's husband. I pray for the strength, clarity and peace. I pray for hope and faith. I pray for protection from the fears and worries the enemy tries to bring. I pray for sleep and rest. I pray for quiet moments and in those for God's voice to be loud and clear.

My story is mine and I walk with it daily. I know I cannot separate myself from it and do not try. I am grieving my losses today. I am praying today...and I am blessed.

The girls & I with the pallbearers after they carried the casket to the car to be taken to the grave site.