No, I did not jump in a tornado and find myself on the other side of the rainbow, but I did find my way home. I wasn't lost, just moved. When you move, you have to find "home" again. For us, this home we had to find was a church home.
It was a very long journey. I was very sad to have left Vanguard. When God called us away, there was a silence that came with that. It was really hard to here God say this chapter is over but then not tell us what was going to be next. I found myself searching for any answer and was feeling a bit dazed.
Ryan and I talked and made that list of needs and wants for the new church. We would love it if God called us to a church about this big, that had a great such and such ministry and that was about this far away that had services around this time and blah, blah, blah. I think God laughed a little and said no to all of those things. He said He wanted us to be connect and He wanted us to feel called and He wanted us to hear Him. Oh. Got it. Sorry about that.
So He took us to Boulder Street Church (BSC). It was none of the things on our "list" but we felt Him...felt Him speak to us, felt Him call us, and just felt Him. I was taken over by what I can only call but feeling like I was home. Of course, we didn't want to make that decision right away. We committed to trying it several weeks in a row and still continued to discuss visiting other places, but after our several weeks in a row, we decided we were home. I was overjoyed that after this six month journey we were home...and then I grieved deeply.
When we left Vanguard, we were not broken or hurt. We loved Vanguard. There were days I prayed that God would not call us away. New things are scary and I love Vanguard. I knew God was very direct when He called us away. I knew we were walking into a new chapter of our lives and everything told us we were being called a different direction, but I still believe in Vanguard's mission and I love Vanguard. Making BSC our home meant that I really wasn't going to Vanguard anymore.
One day I just fell apart. I told Ryan that it just wasn't the way it was "supposed" to be. I have a wonderful life and God has blessed me in ways I cannot explain....but. But I missed my friends. But I don't like change. But I was feeling alone. But I wasn't going where I thought I would be going right now. But...but...but.
At the end of the "but" tunnel, I came out of the other side a little sad, a little lonely, very excited and very blessed. I am a little sad that after church when I'm talking to friends, they are all new friends. I am a little lonely when I go to a church function and my best friends are not there. I am very excited to see where God will call me to serve at BSC and I am very blessed to be home.
Thank you Lord for taking our family on this journey, for blessing it and giving us direction and peace. Thank you all who joined with us in prayer as we went on this journey and as always...thanks for listening.
Showing posts with label Vanguard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vanguard. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Saying goodbye & finding a new church
My girls and I have been at Vanguard church for nearly seven years and Ryan and his kids have been there with us for nearly three years. It is definitely a place I have considered home for a long while.
When I started going to Vanguard, I had not been going to church for several years after some great heart break with an organization for which I was working and the church with which it was associated. It took nearly four years before I would even consider attending a church more than just the holiday visits with my parents. When I walked into Vanguard, there were many things I disliked right off the bat. Growing up in a Christian home and attending church my entire life, I became really quite good at being the church critic but in the end there was one thing that got me to go back right away...my family. My kids and my first husband not only enjoyed going but wanted to continue to attend. After our first visit to Vanguard, we never went anywhere else and rarely missed a service.
I spent the first six months of church sitting in the very back of the old theater six on the folding chairs behind the theater seats. I cried every Sunday and more than that, I broke in the back of that church. Every complaint about Vanguard I tried to voice before God, He would dismantle and then heal me. I would try to find reasons why this was not the place for me and He would show me over and over that it was just what I needed.
Though there were things in the beginning that I disliked, I found those things fade and I fell in love with my church. It didn't take long for God to heal the brokenness and open me up to serving the church. I found my way into children's ministry with the preschool and nursery. I worked on Wednesday nights and with the musical ministry. I worked on the women's retreat team. I prayed over VBB and lead a group or two. I started a couple small groups. I went to Bible studies and worked in MOPs and later even joined MOPs. I worked with the worship ministry and helped the Seder team. I found there were things I loved doing and others I really did not like at all. I learned a lot about myself and God healed more than I knew needed healing.
Vanguard was more than my church, it was my community. Vanguard journeyed with me and my girls through my first husband's illness that went on for fourteen months. It was then that I truly learned what community was. When he passed away, our pastor did the funeral, another pastor made arrangements, several other pastors, elders and their wives showed up in support and another pastor lead the music. The room was filled with Vanguardians and I truly felt blessed to be part of such a loving community. Then just a little more than a year later, my mom passed away. Once again, Vanguard was there to host the reception and help with coordinating food for the reception from my friends and family.
Then it was time for celebration. Eight months after my mom passed away, I got married to Ryan and our families were joined into one big blended family. At my side were many Vanguardians, this time as a different type of support. They supported and loved me as I joined my life with another. As we struggled and worked our way through the unknown of blending our family, I found many other blended families at Vanguard with whom we found support and counsel. Vanguard was a home to us, to all of us in our big blended family.
Now for the goodbye part. We have decided to leave Vanguard. Actually we left back in March but had not made the decision that we would not be coming back to Vanguard until now. There were several reasons we left. We did not leave broken or hurt. We did not become upset with Vanguard. We just came to a realization that we were being called in a different direction. Yes, we could have stayed at Vanguard and arrived at the same destination, but we needed to obey God's calling on our family.
One of the main reasons we left Vanguard was that we wanted to find a church that would be a place I could serve as a Pastor when I finish school. I feel I am being called to be a Care Pastor. Vanguard recently laid off their Care Pastor and I believe if they reopen the possibility for that position, it needs to go back to the person they laid off (if he is still willing and available to take it). I also believe that a Care Pastor is a very sensitive area and that it is important for the Care Pastor to be intimately involved with the body. The body needs to trust this person prior to being hired for this position. Though this is not always the case, I believe that I needed to be apart of the body to whom I feel called before I finish school. I was not feeling that I would be a Care Pastor at Vanguard. As Ryan and I prayed about this, one thing that became clear was that I needed to feel like the church we were attending could be were I would serve. We did not feel as though God was calling me to serve Vanguard in this capacity.
We also felt as time went on, that we needed a church that was ours. In some ways, when I married Ryan, he and the kids became part of what I had built with my first husband and the girls. It was difficult for us to feel as though it was our church. Somehow it always felt as though it was my church.
In the end, there were several small things that lead up to our decision. It was painful to make the decision and we grieved. The hardest part is we love Vanguard. We didn't necessarily want to leave. We loved Pastor Kelly's preaching. We loved Fike and Dana's worship. Our kids loved the leaders in their ministries. God was calling us to leave and once we came to grips with that, we found great peace.
We haven't found a home church just yet, but we think there is one that could be a great possibility. It has been long journey and for the first time, I am excited about it. The grieving is not over but the new growth is coming and excites me. One thing I have learned through all of this is that my list of what I want means little to God. So far He has seemed to pay much attending to my little wish list. I am feeling Him in our journey, loving the process and at the same time saddened to leave Vanguard. I miss it a lot and I miss my friends. I have tried to become more intentional about relationship with those I no longer worship on Sundays.
Our journey is not over here. When we have found our home, I'll share about it some more. Please pray for our family as we look for our church home. And as always, thanks for listening.
When I started going to Vanguard, I had not been going to church for several years after some great heart break with an organization for which I was working and the church with which it was associated. It took nearly four years before I would even consider attending a church more than just the holiday visits with my parents. When I walked into Vanguard, there were many things I disliked right off the bat. Growing up in a Christian home and attending church my entire life, I became really quite good at being the church critic but in the end there was one thing that got me to go back right away...my family. My kids and my first husband not only enjoyed going but wanted to continue to attend. After our first visit to Vanguard, we never went anywhere else and rarely missed a service.
I spent the first six months of church sitting in the very back of the old theater six on the folding chairs behind the theater seats. I cried every Sunday and more than that, I broke in the back of that church. Every complaint about Vanguard I tried to voice before God, He would dismantle and then heal me. I would try to find reasons why this was not the place for me and He would show me over and over that it was just what I needed.
Though there were things in the beginning that I disliked, I found those things fade and I fell in love with my church. It didn't take long for God to heal the brokenness and open me up to serving the church. I found my way into children's ministry with the preschool and nursery. I worked on Wednesday nights and with the musical ministry. I worked on the women's retreat team. I prayed over VBB and lead a group or two. I started a couple small groups. I went to Bible studies and worked in MOPs and later even joined MOPs. I worked with the worship ministry and helped the Seder team. I found there were things I loved doing and others I really did not like at all. I learned a lot about myself and God healed more than I knew needed healing.
Vanguard was more than my church, it was my community. Vanguard journeyed with me and my girls through my first husband's illness that went on for fourteen months. It was then that I truly learned what community was. When he passed away, our pastor did the funeral, another pastor made arrangements, several other pastors, elders and their wives showed up in support and another pastor lead the music. The room was filled with Vanguardians and I truly felt blessed to be part of such a loving community. Then just a little more than a year later, my mom passed away. Once again, Vanguard was there to host the reception and help with coordinating food for the reception from my friends and family.
Then it was time for celebration. Eight months after my mom passed away, I got married to Ryan and our families were joined into one big blended family. At my side were many Vanguardians, this time as a different type of support. They supported and loved me as I joined my life with another. As we struggled and worked our way through the unknown of blending our family, I found many other blended families at Vanguard with whom we found support and counsel. Vanguard was a home to us, to all of us in our big blended family.
Now for the goodbye part. We have decided to leave Vanguard. Actually we left back in March but had not made the decision that we would not be coming back to Vanguard until now. There were several reasons we left. We did not leave broken or hurt. We did not become upset with Vanguard. We just came to a realization that we were being called in a different direction. Yes, we could have stayed at Vanguard and arrived at the same destination, but we needed to obey God's calling on our family.
One of the main reasons we left Vanguard was that we wanted to find a church that would be a place I could serve as a Pastor when I finish school. I feel I am being called to be a Care Pastor. Vanguard recently laid off their Care Pastor and I believe if they reopen the possibility for that position, it needs to go back to the person they laid off (if he is still willing and available to take it). I also believe that a Care Pastor is a very sensitive area and that it is important for the Care Pastor to be intimately involved with the body. The body needs to trust this person prior to being hired for this position. Though this is not always the case, I believe that I needed to be apart of the body to whom I feel called before I finish school. I was not feeling that I would be a Care Pastor at Vanguard. As Ryan and I prayed about this, one thing that became clear was that I needed to feel like the church we were attending could be were I would serve. We did not feel as though God was calling me to serve Vanguard in this capacity.
We also felt as time went on, that we needed a church that was ours. In some ways, when I married Ryan, he and the kids became part of what I had built with my first husband and the girls. It was difficult for us to feel as though it was our church. Somehow it always felt as though it was my church.
In the end, there were several small things that lead up to our decision. It was painful to make the decision and we grieved. The hardest part is we love Vanguard. We didn't necessarily want to leave. We loved Pastor Kelly's preaching. We loved Fike and Dana's worship. Our kids loved the leaders in their ministries. God was calling us to leave and once we came to grips with that, we found great peace.
We haven't found a home church just yet, but we think there is one that could be a great possibility. It has been long journey and for the first time, I am excited about it. The grieving is not over but the new growth is coming and excites me. One thing I have learned through all of this is that my list of what I want means little to God. So far He has seemed to pay much attending to my little wish list. I am feeling Him in our journey, loving the process and at the same time saddened to leave Vanguard. I miss it a lot and I miss my friends. I have tried to become more intentional about relationship with those I no longer worship on Sundays.
Our journey is not over here. When we have found our home, I'll share about it some more. Please pray for our family as we look for our church home. And as always, thanks for listening.
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