I'll be honest with you, it took me a good many years to figure out who I was and many would argue that I still don't really know, but that's okay because I'm not done figuring it out. I will say that I lived the majority of my life thinking I was like my mom. I was told that by friends, family and teachers.
My mom was an amazing women and I love most everything about her. She was a person that put a lot into the big days: Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, 4th of July and even St. Patty's day. She loved holidays...all of them (even the little ones). She thought everything was special and rarely got rid of anything including magazines, mail, school papers (hers from college and us kids), cards and news clippings. She was over-organized to the point of having organized chaos and no one was allowed to touch her piles (dad and I secretly believed she booby trapped them so that if we touch them they would explode all over the floor...which of course kept us from touching them). She seemed to know where everything was. She was very opinionated and I remember many times when she was not afraid to share her opinion. She was extroverted. She thrived being around people. She was different when she was retired and didn't have people around all the time. She loved nick-nacks. She loved her family and she is one of my heroes.
BUT...I am not her nor am I very much like her. I do love the holidays but I love the little things in the everyday life. I love to take pictures of my kids Karate chopping Ramen Noodles or wearing a unique outfit or just because it's Wednesday. Most of the pictures of my childhood are from holidays. I have several dozen pictures of me posed in front of the tree every Christmas but not very many of me candid or playing. In fact, I have pictures my mom took of my kids in front of the tree every year. I think I may have every Christmas and Easter captured posed in a family picture. I may have more pictures of our family standing in front of our fireplace than anywhere else.
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| Christmas 1997 in front of the fire place. |
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| Christmas 2004 in front of the fire place. |
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| Christmas 2005 in front of the fire place. |
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| Christmas 19**...wait not in front of the fireplace (because we didn't have one in this house) |
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| Family picture...wait for it...in front of the fire place. |
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| Easter 2007 |
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| Easter 2008...in front of the fire place |
There are way more of my mom's pictures in front of the fire place...these are just the ones I have scanned. Here's some of our recent candids.
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| Wiping the milk mustache |
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| Unique Style |
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| Karate chopped ramen |
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| Why are you on the floor? |
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| Video games are fun |
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| Jumping! |
I don't think many things are "special" like my mom did. I'm not very sentimental about things and have to caution myself because I would throw away everything and I have a couple kids who do care about those things. I often shove them in a box and then put them on a shelve to be forgotten. I hope someday I'll have one of my organized kids (or friends) help me organize my kids' childhood memories so they are not lost and forgotten.
I am not very organized though I try. I organize things and they stay that way only as long as no one uses anything. As soon as the family uses anything, things are not put back correctly and a few weeks or months down the road we'll all spend a day reorganizing that one little place. I don't have many areas that are "do not touch" areas. My house is family friendly (with exception to my room/bathroom). Kids go everywhere, and mess up everything on regular basis.
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| Yes I took a picture of my cleaning my pantry and now just a few months later you'd never know I even cleaned it at all! |
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| My basement before the 1st overhaul |
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| My basement during one of the major overhauls & just last weekend we took 2 large boxes of books off these shelve for my nephew. |
I am opinionated but then I think we all are. I do not care to share my opinion as often as I may have in my youth. Honestly, I have found that those who share my opinion do not need to hear it from me and those who do not, I will probably not persuade and do not feel I need that. I recently had dinner with friends and my hubby and I share a very different opinion about some significant matters in our lives. The thing I told my hubby at the end of the evening was that I still love them and know they love me though we do not agree and probably never will. I don't feel compelled to make them agree and I see and understand why their opinion is different...their experiences have been different. Honestly, if we never talk about the subject again, that's fine. If we do, I don't feel I need them to agree with me nor do I need to defend my point of view. I believe what I believe and that's all I need to know.
I am an introvert. Okay, I see in my head a lot of you shaking your heads in disbelief saying that cannot be. Here's the things, and introvert doesn't mean I'm shy or don't talk around people. It means I am energized by being alone. Being around a lot of people drains me. I have to prepare myself for large family functions, work get-togethers, church events and even just church. I like my down time and alone time. I really struggle in the summer when my kids are around all the time. I enjoy moments like this one when I'm sitting on my bed blogging with the dog at my feet and the only noise is the sound of my bedroom fan. If I'm throwing a party, I would rather it be huge so people break off into little groups or be very intimate just a couple of friends chatting.
I don't see very much of my mom in me anymore. No matter how many people told me I was like her, I really wasn't. I may have those little quirks we get from our parents but the me inside is almost the opposite of my mom. Realizing that was big for me. It was a hard thing when she passed away because I felt as though I was loosing her and knowing I wasn't like her meant she was just gone. But thing is, she's not gone. She's in my heart and waiting for me in heaven. She is still my hero and I was blessed to have her as a mom.
Oh...and I hate nick-nacks for future reference. To all those who may think I would like a little something for my mantel...you're dead wrong. Remember, I'm not sentimental so I'll just donate it the DAV when you leave.
