Jr. High...I'm so not ready to have a kid in Jr. High.

Megan is my sweetheart and I mean that in the best, best, best of ways. She is all smiles and giggles all the time. In fact, many friends and family members joke with her about her giggle. In fact, it's one of the first things I remember about her and one of her "firsts" that I missed.

I was a young single mom working full time. I found an amazing child care provider, Miss Barb, who has truly become one of the family. One day when I was working, Megan was in Miss Barb's arms and looked up to discover the ceiling fan and out popped a giggle. When I came to pick her up that day, Miss Barb was glowing and excited to tell me about this girl's giggle. She said it was the sweetest thing she had ever heard. Of course I was overjoyed that she laughed and then the mommy ping jumped in and I was sad I missed it. So what did I do? I ran home, turned on the ceiling fan and stood under it for Megan to see...and then I heard it too. She had a giggle that truly would make the whole room light up.

Her laugh never changed. It is always this perfect giggle that can filled a room. She can make a whole room laugh when she laughs. Her best friends dad calls her giggles and makes it his personal past time to get her to giggle often. I really do believe if you are having a bad day, all you need to do is make Megan giggle and you'll start laughing too.

So back to her being in Jr. High, I'm not too worried because I know she'll laugh and the whole world will laugh with her. I know she's strong because she's been through a lot and never lost her laugh. I know she's smart her A's and B's on her report card add confirmation to that. But I'm a mom and it's my job to worry.

I love that she was really honest with me about Jr. High a couple weeks ago. She cried a little and told me about what she was nervous. I told her I had the very same experience on a couch with my mom many years ago and of course her dad had to add that I was old. Dad shared his fears before Jr. High and then we both shared some good things. She seemed OK in the end but I knew she would just have to experience it for herself.

Then last week, I was talking with a mom who had done this a time or two before at the same school and she gave me some pointers. I talked with Megan and we both agreed that I was not going to drop her at the door but that I would walk with her inside. She didn't have to be all grown up just yet. The first couple of days for 7th graders are called boot camp. They help them a lot, but Megan wanted me to help her. So I helped her deliver supplies, find her locker, get her backpack into her locker, find her schedule and find the room she was to go. Then I went to go help the parent volunteers. I ran around and took pictures to capture the day for the yearbook and the 7th grade hall. I tried to give her space so she could do this on her own, though she seemed to want me there. I left the school as she was going to lunch and I was happy to see her giggling.

I may not be ready to hear the school counselor talk to the girls about boys. I may not be ready for a 7th grader. I may not be ready for how grown up Megan is. I may not be ready to admit I have a kid in Jr. High. BUT...I am ready to let my giggling girl off into the world of Jr. High to make her own experience. Some of my friends today are friendships I forged in 7th grade. I want for her to find that very same thing. I'll cry a little later when it all hits me. But for right now, I have a giggling 7th grade and that's OK for right now.

First Day of School Picture under the tree.

 

The locker!

 

 

Principal talking with the entire 7th grade...there are 207 of them!

Organizing the Locker

The organized locker...we'll see how long it stays that way.

Having fun at Boot Camp.

First lunch at Jr. High.

Sitting with friends at lunch...already made a new friend!

 

Blogging Princess

So I started this blog around Mother's day last year. I had been wanted to start a blog for some time. When I finally got around to it, it did way more than I thought it ever would. Now it seems to be the "in" thing and I find myself reading about many of my friends.

Some of my friends have picture blogs posting the pictures that capture the moment of their lives. I get to actually see a glimpse into their lives. Some post nearly every day just a few sentences or paragraphs. This is what blogs were originally intended to be...a web log or an online diary. It keeps me up to date of the happens in their homes and some pictures along the way as well. Then I have friends who are deeply introspective. They write less often and their posts are meaningful and blessing. They look hard at the moments of their lives and what God is doing and share what He is doing and what they have learned. Some of these friends post regularly on a specific day and others post as things come to them. Then I have the funny friends. I'm pretty sure they write to find some comedy in their lives but in actuality are laughing because they want to cry. They have funny posts that show pictures of kids putting lotion on the dog or the hubby who has left the lawn mower in the middle of the garage. All they really want to let some of it out and in the process I get to laugh a little. Then I have others that use their blog to promote an agenda whether that be sharing Christ or political views or financial advise.

For me, my blog is a little of everything! Sometimes I post pics of the events of our families. Sometimes I announce very serious things. Sometimes I write often and sometimes I wait until something happens. I share what God is doing in our lives and sometimes I cry about that and other times I laugh. When I was asked about what I blog, what's the focus or the purpose, I said I didn't know. I guess I was just putting myself out there for the world to see. God has called me to transparency. He has asked me to share and open myself up to whomever wants to listen. From my very first blog post I experienced God. In my very first post I was sharing about Mother's day. That became a very healing moment for relationship in my life.

So I guess I blog as a ministry of my life and what God is doing in it. Sometimes I just share the little moments. Sometimes I share the big things God is doing. Sometimes I share the heartbreak and grief I have experience. But always I share God in my story. I may not mention Him in every post, but He is evident in my life. My blog is God in me. The purpose is God's. The focus is Him. And the antics...well most of that is just me. I blog because He called me to do so. I don't know where that is taking me or who is listening. All I know is that I have found blessings in it. I may have said this once or twice before, but as always, thanks for listening.

Saying goodbye & finding a new church

My girls and I have been at Vanguard church for nearly seven years and Ryan and his kids have been there with us for nearly three years. It is definitely a place I have considered home for a long while.

When I started going to Vanguard, I had not been going to church for several years after some great heart break with an organization for which I was working and the church with which it was associated. It took nearly four years before I would even consider attending a church more than just the holiday visits with my parents. When I walked into Vanguard, there were many things I disliked right off the bat. Growing up in a Christian home and attending church my entire life, I became really quite good at being the church critic but in the end there was one thing that got me to go back right away...my family. My kids and my first husband not only enjoyed going but wanted to continue to attend. After our first visit to Vanguard, we never went anywhere else and rarely missed a service.

I spent the first six months of church sitting in the very back of the old theater six on the folding chairs behind the theater seats. I cried every Sunday and more than that, I broke in the back of that church. Every complaint about Vanguard I tried to voice before God, He would dismantle and then heal me. I would try to find reasons why this was not the place for me and He would show me over and over that it was just what I needed.

Though there were things in the beginning that I disliked, I found those things fade and I fell in love with my church. It didn't take long for God to heal the brokenness and open me up to serving the church. I found my way into children's ministry with the preschool and nursery. I worked on Wednesday nights and with the musical ministry. I worked on the women's retreat team. I prayed over VBB and lead a group or two. I started a couple small groups. I went to Bible studies and worked in MOPs and later even joined MOPs. I worked with the worship ministry and helped the Seder team. I found there were things I loved doing and others I really did not like at all. I learned a lot about myself and God healed more than I knew needed healing.

Vanguard was more than my church, it was my community. Vanguard journeyed with me and my girls through my first husband's illness that went on for fourteen months. It was then that I truly learned what community was. When he passed away, our pastor did the funeral, another pastor made arrangements, several other pastors, elders and their wives showed up in support and another pastor lead the music. The room was filled with Vanguardians and I truly felt blessed to be part of such a loving community. Then just a little more than a year later, my mom passed away. Once again, Vanguard was there to host the reception and help with coordinating food for the reception from my friends and family.

Then it was time for celebration. Eight months after my mom passed away, I got married to Ryan and our families were joined into one big blended family. At my side were many Vanguardians, this time as a different type of support. They supported and loved me as I joined my life with another. As we struggled and worked our way through the unknown of blending our family, I found many other blended families at Vanguard with whom we found support and counsel. Vanguard was a home to us, to all of us in our big blended family.

Now for the goodbye part. We have decided to leave Vanguard. Actually we left back in March but had not made the decision that we would not be coming back to Vanguard until now. There were several reasons we left. We did not leave broken or hurt. We did not become upset with Vanguard. We just came to a realization that we were being called in a different direction. Yes, we could have stayed at Vanguard and arrived at the same destination, but we needed to obey God's calling on our family.

One of the main reasons we left Vanguard was that we wanted to find a church that would be a place I could serve as a Pastor when I finish school. I feel I am being called to be a Care Pastor. Vanguard recently laid off their Care Pastor and I believe if they reopen the possibility for that position, it needs to go back to the person they laid off (if he is still willing and available to take it). I also believe that a Care Pastor is a very sensitive area and that it is important for the Care Pastor to be intimately involved with the body. The body needs to trust this person prior to being hired for this position. Though this is not always the case, I believe that I needed to be apart of the body to whom I feel called before I finish school. I was not feeling that I would be a Care Pastor at Vanguard. As Ryan and I prayed about this, one thing that became clear was that I needed to feel like the church we were attending could be were I would serve. We did not feel as though God was calling me to serve Vanguard in this capacity.

We also felt as time went on, that we needed a church that was ours. In some ways, when I married Ryan, he and the kids became part of what I had built with my first husband and the girls. It was difficult for us to feel as though it was our church. Somehow it always felt as though it was my church.

In the end, there were several small things that lead up to our decision. It was painful to make the decision and we grieved. The hardest part is we love Vanguard. We didn't necessarily want to leave. We loved Pastor Kelly's preaching. We loved Fike and Dana's worship. Our kids loved the leaders in their ministries. God was calling us to leave and once we came to grips with that, we found great peace.

We haven't found a home church just yet, but we think there is one that could be a great possibility. It has been long journey and for the first time, I am excited about it. The grieving is not over but the new growth is coming and excites me. One thing I have learned through all of this is that my list of what I want means little to God. So far He has seemed to pay much attending to my little wish list. I am feeling Him in our journey, loving the process and at the same time saddened to leave Vanguard. I miss it a lot and I miss my friends. I have tried to become more intentional about relationship with those I no longer worship on Sundays.

Our journey is not over here. When we have found our home, I'll share about it some more. Please pray for our family as we look for our church home. And as always, thanks for listening.

Back from a one month Facebook fast

There were several reasons why I decided last month to take a one month Facebook fast. It was not something with which I wrestled for months. I woke up one morning and felt like God was telling me to remove distraction from my life. Of course, my response to this was to get on Facebook. Within five minutes, my kids knocked on my bedroom door twice, the dog starting barking outside and needed to be called inside, my phone rang and I got two text messages. I, however, in the midst of the normal Morrison Clan mayhem, was annoyed that I was pulled away from Facebook. That very evening I posted my status that I would be taking a one month fast from Facebook.

As I said, there were several reasons I decided on a fast. So I'll share some of the reasons. First and foremost, my family was a major reason. It's summer time and fun time in the sun. There is no reason to spend the day behind my computer when my kids need to go to the pool or have a play date or a sleepover. It's my time with my kids. Facebook was taking too much of that time.

Another reason for the fast was intimacy. Let me just explain that a little more. First it was intimacy with God. When I getting on Facebook as much as I was, I was stealing time from God. I was not able to hear Him as clearly. I was desiring Facebook first thing in the morning instead of waking up and declaring my love to Him and thanking Him for my day.

It was also giving me false intimacy. Facebook has a way for keeping me up to date with friends daily happenings but the REAL relationship is not on Facebook. I no longer felt the need to call my friends when all the little things happened and talk about our days, process our problems, vent our anger, sing our praises and just have a minute to hear each others voices. I was "hearing" all of that on Facebook and so months would go by with just a quick call hear and there. I needed to reconnect to my friends, call them, make lunch dates, stop by their houses, get kids together and live in daily REAL relationship.

The other side of the false intimacy was I had created friendships in my mind based on knowing about their lives on Facebook and commenting here and there. I was then hurt when I would reach out or invite someone into my life and found no response. These people were not "friends" as Facebook would label them but rather acquaintances and people I knew from school or church or friends of friends that I met once at a function. I know many of my friend "clean" out Facebook friends with whom they are not currently in relationship or do not accept friend requests if they are not truly friends. I am not one of those.

If I actually know you, we can be "friends" on Facebook. I like to believe my Facebook is a transparent representation of me. I share the good, the bad and the ugly but always with grace and dignity. I don't bash or blame though I do vent. My page is PG and Christ centered and my kids, their friend, my nieces and nephews are all friends as well as my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma and pastors. I share my life and if you want to see you can (that is as long as I actually know you). I love to see what God is doing in your life and pray for many of my "friends" on Facebook. BUT, I needed to be reminded that Facebook is a social networking sight and no, I do not have 485 friend with whom I am in deep, intimate, daily relationship. That would just be exhausting.

So in this fast I was reminded to wake up and call out to the Lover of my life and thank Him for the day first. I had time to invest in the summer fun with the kids, went to the pool a thousand times, made play dates, helped kids make a movie, had sleepovers and wasn't distracted. I reinvested in my intimate relationships and picked up the phone, made dates and visited friends. I remembered who my friends are and even if I don't pick up the phone to call you often, I know you are out there (even when you're states away...you know who you are). I prayed more then I have in a while. I cried a lot because I was open to what God is doing. But the most important thing I think I gained from my fast was that I decluttered my life, some physically and some emotionally...but that's another blog post for another day.

All in all, I would say I am glad I fasted from Facebook for a month. I'm not sure if or when I'll do it again. I'm not saying goodbye to Facebook just yet, but I am cutting back for sure. I want to dedicate more time to some hobbies (I've started knitting again, though I'm not very good at it and I'm trying to figure out if I actually like it). I would like to blog more. I would like to continue to declutter my house. And most of all, I want to invest more time into my loved ones: family and friends. So I hope you don't see me on Facebook as much but I also hope you see a few more blog post from the crazy Morrison Clan world.

Day 4 at the Care Point Part 2...Dedicating the David Hames Building

After the wonderful luncheon with the Gogos, we went over to dedicate a building being built in David Hames' honor. The building will be a preschool classroom on the care point.

Just a little information for those who do not know, David Hames was a member of Vanguard. He was a videographer that went to Swazi three years ago. Many of his video is part of the Beyond Survival website and provides information as well as swells hearts to hear about Swazi. In 2010, David was on another missions trip videoing in Haiti when the earthquake happened. He died in the wreckage. In his honor, is widow, Renee and her boys created a fund for Swazi. This building is being build from that fund.

Being a young widow as well, Renee's generosity spoke to me in a very powerful way. I was very impressed to see her give back to something her husband loved so much when her needs were and are great as well. David and Renee's boys are very young and they have a lifetime ahead of them. Being David was only 40 when he passed away, I have to assume that Renee and the boys will not be completely financial covered for as long as they will need it. She is a gracious and generous woman and this building being built is an honor to not only David but Renee and her boys.

As I was preparing for this trip, there were several times when I wondered what God had in store for me. I don't know that all of that has been revealed yet, but I do know that being at the dedication was very healing for me. I watched as some of Renee's very close friends broke as they stood in the building after we prayed and dedicated it. I watched them through a window as many from the team gathered around them, held them and prayed with them. I watch through this window frame and at that moment had great peace. I wrestled with that greatly.

I had once been the grieving widow whose friends gathered around and wept with me. Now I stood outside this building and watched. Renee was not there in Swazi, but her friends stood together and wept for her. I wrestled with wondering why I was not in there weeping too. I understood more than anyone there what the building represented. I lost a husband 3 1/2 years ago. That really isn't that long ago. I wondered why I had great peace. I wondered by I was looking at the sunset over the building watching Renee's friends through a window and was peaceful.

My mother had once described me as the girl that would cry with her friends when they were crying. When I overheard this description, I did not like it. I thought it showed that I was weak. As I grew up and faced the many things that I have, I started to understand that being able to grieve with others was God's gift to me. Grief is a painful thing. OK...that sounded a little obvious, but it's true. Grief hurts! There are many people that cannot stand in that pain with others. There are many that run from pain. There are many that leave their friends when they are in pain. But I am not one of them.

God has called me to the grieving. God has called me to help those who are stuck in grief. God has called me to walk with those who grieve. Because of this calling, I had to walk through great times of grief. Human nature would dictate that we trust those who understand and understanding comes from experience. In order to walk in my calling, I was going to have to loose much and grieve for a long time.

BUT...now I'm on the other side of this. The thing about helping others is we need to have learned from it and be in front of it. If I am crying so painfully hard about loosing my first husband, there is no way I can help someone talk about their losses. So I have peace and at this moment it was awkward.

We had been briefed before going to the care point that it may be hard to go off into the kitchen and eat lunch as we see these kids through the windows eating pap and beans but that was not something with which I struggled. The reality is that what I was eating would not keep them from being hungry. The food they are feeding the kids at the care point is fortified with protein will help keep their little tummies full being they only eat two times a day at the care point. That was a very logical answer for me and was easy for me to accept though I know others struggled with it.

My struggle came with the building dedication. You would think I would have rejoiced that I am not grieving anymore (or rather not weeping in grief anymore because I still grieve). You would think that would be a testimony to God's amazing healing power in my life and a blessing to be walking in such peace. All I could think is that I am called to the grieving and I am peaceful about that. I can watch a woman weep for her friend while "enjoying" the sunset giving God all the glory for the day. I feel blessed to be able to honor this man and his widow and their children. I wept as I talked about a personal experience with David and then I had peace. This is not the first time that God gave me "Peace that surpasses all understanding" and I'm sure it will not be the last.

At the end of the day, I know I needed to be on this particular trip to Swazi to stand in that building to pray over it and dedicate it to God. I know that God had something he wanted to tell me and I am so glad I was listening. My theme this past year has been Psalm 46:10 "He says, Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." On this day, I was still and He was exalted among the nations and in the earth. Thank you Lord for fulfilling part of Your plan for me this day. I pray I will always remember this and hold it close to my heart as a reminder that no matter what I may think, Your plan is always perfect for me.

Here are some pictures from this event. We all had red balloons and released them in honor of David's company that was called Red Balloon Productions in reference to one of his favorite films. They don't seem to really show what we experienced but here they are:

Kimberly with her balloon.

Amber blowing up her balloon in the doorway.

Hayden, a beautiful boy that has a deep relationship with David's sons.

Marty in the background...always need someone to break the tension.

Cody followed suit.

Through this balloon you can see Laura blowing up her balloon.

The team about to release the balloons.

The release.

After the release, this one balloon got caught in front of the building.

Sunset at the dedication.

Friends praying and weeping in their grief.

Prayers at sunset.

Laura placing a balloon in the building...it will be forever apart of the building.

A balloon in the wall.

Day 4 at the Care Point - Gogo Appreciation Lunch

We had the wonderful pleasure of blessing the Gogos with an appreciation lunch. The word Gogo means Grandma in siSwati. These woman are not all necessarily Grandmas, but here the term Gogo is an honored term for the woman that is the head of her home. These particular Gogos dedicate their time and energy by coming to different Care Points every day of the week and cooking and caring for the kids. They do this completely voluntarily. They also make bags, purse, coin purses, table runners, and aprons to be sold for Timbali crafts as a source of income (for most the only source of income).

At this lunch, we gave them lunch and a gift. The gift had a medical kit in it for them to care for their own families with common items that we may take for granted such as: a manicure set, Neosporin, band-aids, ibuprofen, children's ibuprofen, wash clothes, soap, tooth brush, rubber gloves and a few other items. There was also a personal card to each of them from MOPs members of our church and team members from the trip. All these items came in a large plastic food container.

Each lady took great time to look through every items and cheers came from the crowd as they were handed out. Marty, a team member who had been an EMT for years, helped explain how to use many of the different items. He explained dosage of the ibuprofen and Neosporin as the "Miracle Cream."

Lauren & Noelle handing out goodie bags to the Gogos.

Gogos reading the cards from MOPs.

I loved watching this woman. She sat all by herself. She was so sweet.

Marty & his magic cream.

Gogos walking home after their lunch.

Day 3 at the Care Point

Day three was the "Fun Day." I started the day by painting nails of the preschools with several other team members. The kids would go from person to person and get their nails painted (boys and girls alike). I though the boys would want blue and the girls would want pink. It didn't seem to matter to them, they all wanted their nails painted. Many had so many layers of colors you couldn't hardly tell what color it was. We joked that we were really going to like one of the colors but it would be impossible to recreate because it was actually a mixture of 7 layers of colors. We finally just had to put them away because every kid had just about every color.

It was the last VBS day and then we gave T-shirts to the kids that said "Chosen" on the front of it. They got a cupcake and a goodie bag. The preschoolers got theirs in the mornings while the school aged kids where at school. In the afternoon, we gave the school aged kids their shirts and goodie bags after their VBS. We actually put them on them and I got to be one of the ones that did that. It was absolutely amazing.

Preschoolers with their shirts.

School Aged Boys with their shirts.

It was amazing to hear the school aged kids recount the different things they learned at VBS the previous days. They were really listening and were answering questions.

I love to listen to the kids sing and recite verses. They all know the 10 commandments and The Lord's prayer. They sing many songs that I don't understand, but somehow it seems familiar. I know they are praising the Lord and so it seems I know what they are saying.