The day that Haley broke her leg sledding, though my dad was with me, all I wanted was my mom. I wanted to call her a thousand times this week and just talk. It's been a hard week and I knew she would listen to me and tell me stories of my childhood sicknesses and remind me that this would pass, I can do it and she's so proud of me.
As I write this, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I miss her so much. I would love to have just one more conversation if only to tell her how much I love her and miss her. She was a rock in my life (one of many) but no one replace mom.
There have been just too many losses in our lives, too many bad days. Today, I just want my mom. I just want her to be here. I want her to share stories of broken bones with Haley. I want her to sign Haley's cast. I want her to sit with Haley on the couch and read stories. I want her to dote on the other kids knowing they feel left out being Haley gets all the attention right now. I want her to ask me what I need. I want to cry to her and tell her I don't know what I need. I want her to tell me that's okay. I want to be the little girl that calls her mom in the middle of the crisis and knows that mom can't fix it but is just glad that she's there.
I'm the mom without a mom. I'm just glad I had her as long as I did. She helped me in the early days of cooking and now I'm a confident cook. She helped me through the baby years and the toddler years and some of the school years with my girls and now I think of that advice as I head into the teen years. She helped me through being a wife and loosing my husband. Somehow that prepared me for being a wife again.
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| Mom right after Megan was born |
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| Mom at Haley's dedication |
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| Our last Easter...not that we knew that then. |
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| Glad we took the time to take some pics |
I feel like the words to describe what I'm feel are all mixed up and are tumbling out all mixed up. I don't even know what I feel or think. All I know today is: I miss my mom.
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