Tried hard to find the silver lining...

There are just times in life when things seem to pull us down. Every direction you turn there is another thing to put on your plate. The plate is overflowing and nothing can be removed.

So now what?

One bite at a time. Just take one bite at a time.

God didn't asked us to fill our plates and gobble it all up in one bite. He didn't expect us to see the full plate and fell overwhelmed and worry. He gave us the plate and filled it. A full plate is not worry but the fullest things in life.

Well that's what I keep telling myself....over and over and over. I figure if I say it enough I will believe. I know God has it all under control. I know He is protecting me and watching over me. I know He designed my path and plans to guide me along the way giving me what I need to take the next step.

But today...I'm overwhelmed and stressed.

I want a break. The last two years have been really hard on our family and don't seem to ever get any easier. I just keep going and going and going expecting relief. I keep thinking that the miracle after this storm is going to be amazing. It can't rain forever you know.

Friends...
Family...

Please pray for our family. We are upside down and backwards right now. Every step forward comes with several steps back. We are united as a family but are hearts are heavy. We have so much coming at us and are having a hard time finding time to catch our breath.

When one battles ends another is brewing. We need relief. We need peace. We need to feel success. We need to have a victory.

Today, I am trying to find the silver lining. So if you read this, take a moment to say a prayer for us. Those who know the details, pray specifically. For those who do not, just pray that we get a victory. We need one.

And as always, thanks for listening.

Struggling to say goodbye...

So here's the thing...I love to write. I love to blog. I used to love Facebook & all things online...

BUT

It started to create major issues in my life. I found myself spending too much time online. I wasn't getting to "real" life. I thought I had relationships because we were "friends" on Facebook. I would reach out to people on Facebook and get no response. Being I thought we were "friends", I would then get hurt. It felt real. I knew about their lives, their spouses, kids, and jobs. I commented on pictures and looked forward to hearing about their day.

It was mostly false relationship. I was reading the story they presented but wasn't really in their lives. I tried to reach out to specific people with no avail. I wanted to connect face to face or through a phone call or letter and one or two people of hundreds would even reply.

I kept finding myself questioning who I was. Was I a good friend? Did I hurt or offend?

For years now I have been struggling with walking away from the "online world" of Facebook. This is where I landed...

I will have my Facebook account so people can contact me. I will probably not post very often and if you want me  to know something, you'd better inbox, call or text me because I won't be checking Facebook regularly. I've deleted most of my pictures and I'm now going through and deleting my past posts.

I am reclaiming some privacy that I gave away on Facebook. I am connecting personally with the people in my life. I will not be "following" you on Facebook, Twitter or probably anywhere else unless I'm connecting with you face to face or on the phone.

I am most likely turning my blog to password protected. Followers will have access but that's it. I really don't have  much of a following and I really need to know who is looking at my family's pictures, hearing about our latest events and "watching" our lives. If you want to follow me publicly on my blog you will get to hear from me. If you do not, then I hope you are one of the people in my life with whom I connect regularly on a personal level.

I love you all. In today's age of technology it is becoming necessary to protect privacy as much as possible. Thanks for understanding and I hope to hear from you here on this blog.

World Water Day

Last year I donated some hats for World Water Day raffle done by my amazing friend Mandy Houle. 

She's at it again...raising even more for World Water Day. 

Help raise money to train mechanics for water pumps. Last year we raised enough to train 4 mechanics...help us beat that goal this year.

Want one of these amazing market bags?

Donate $10 to enter into the raffle for this bag!

Check out her blog to donate & bid on my bag and many, many more items here.

See more items to bid on here.

Half full, half empty or just plain HALF

Life has been busy.

It's very full right now. Full of things that need to be done for the family. Full of things the kids need or want. Full of things for business. Just plain full.

I woke up at 2 am this morning. That wasn't pleasant at all. But the reason I woke so early was because I feel asleep too early. I was in a great deal of pain last night and went to bed early. When I woke at 2 am, there wasn't any pain except the pain of knowing I have a full day and most likely won't be able to stop until midnight tonight.

As I laid in bed for hours before having to rise I thought on a few things. Some things in my life are reaching a half full stage, some are half empty and some are just half.

Ryan and I started a new business this past year. We love everything about it and pray it opens doors we didn't even know where door. We're excited and see this part of our life becoming half full. The time and energy we put into this is filling up a lot of cracks of time and space in our lives. It feels overwhelming at some points but we also see it is just starting to fill this cup. I can't wait till I get to yell from the top of the world that we are overflowing.

Half empty...well that any type of social life of any kind. I have seemed to loose quite a few friends this past year. My recent calls list (with exception to family) is about 4-5 friends. If I get to talk with them every week, it's been a good month. My schedule is almost opposite of my friends. Weeks have gone by without a conversation with a friend. Many days I only see my kiddos. But...

Our new business has brought amazing, wonderful, life affirming, blessed, deep and relationships to our lives. Ryan and I have had a new depth in one of our favorite relationships with an amazing couple. They bring a smile to our face every time we see them. We are so excited for the new chapter in all of our lives and encourage each other regularly. They are the most amazing friends and we are blessed to have them. Thanks Wil & Ellen Wilkes for being super stars in our lives. We look forward to the years of crossing stages together!

With that said...they brought us another amazing couple whom we cherish and have grow so close in the past several months. I can hardly remember life before them. When I think about the quality of relationships in my life...I have to wonder why I thought my glass was half full. I think quality relationships can overfill your cup just fine! Thanks Kip & Emma for being amazing wonderful mentors and friends. I feel challenged and loved by you both and thank God for this amazing team of people!

So my half full business cup is growing and my half empty relationship is actually overflowing...as to the half.

I think that's just everything else right now. I do what needs to be done. I get it done without much thought. Laundry, dishing, cooking and shopping rarely add to my life and just need to be done. I don't hate or love my "duties" in life. I just get them done.

As I looked through trying to find some pics, I realized I don't have enough pics with my friends. So my new mission is to find time to pull out my amazing camera and take some pictures. Enough of it sitting in my cabinet...time to use is.

2013...I will have more pics with my friends!

But here's a few of my favs from over the years...absolutely no particular order:

My lovely friend Jen sent a few more...

What you can't undo...

You cannot undo hurt. You just can't undo it. There is no going back.

On Sunday, my mom would have been 64 years old...but she's not. Is was only ever 60. That's where she stopped and went Home.

My heart was hurting as we decorated our tree on Sunday. I was doing my best to "get in the spirit" but I just couldn't get there.

I love my mom so much. There have been too many times in the past four years that I have picked up the phone to call her and realized she wasn't going to ever answer the phone.

I can't undo how I feel when I miss her. I can't undo losing her.

I miss my mom. I wish my step-kids knew her. I wish she knew them.

I her mind I was probably always 4 like that picture. In my mind, she's still here, healthy and happy.

I don't think you ever "get over" losing your mom.

Help...I'm on fire

What makes you read a blog post?

Is it because of an amazing title or an intriguing picture?

Do you follow certain bloggers no matter what?

Are there certain blogs that just speak to you?

Have the blogs with shared interest just captured you?

Why do you read what you read?

I think I read a little of everything. I follow certain people I know and love. I read certain posts that the title pops out at me or the picture looks amazing. I look for certain blogs that have shared interest. I read lots and lots of blogs. I don't think I'm the only one...but then sometimes I think I am the only one that reads anything I write.

That's okay because I don't write it for the masses. I don't write it to be noticed. I don't write to be published or recognized or for prizes or any of that. I write because I feel like it's part of me. I write because the words come to me and I have to get them out of me. So I just write...

Adoption...and your "real" family

I remember one time someone referred to my parents as my girls' adoptive grandparents. I think I had the strangest look on my face and my eyebrows furrowed. I feared I would end up with a wrinkled brow permanently after that comment.

What on earth? Were they talking about my parents?

Yes, I'm adopted...and the second dumbest thing I've ever heard about it was when I was asked if I wanted to find my "real" parents.

I'm so confused. I thought I already knew my "real" parents. I remember the "real" dinner my mom made. I remember going on "real" dates with my dad. I remember "real" parent/teacher conferences. I remember "real" holidays and vacations. I remember "real" Christmas newsletters and "real" driving lessons and "real" recitals and "real" family photos.

I'm pretty sure my parents were "real." I think the person that made a point to say that, was indicating somehow that "real" families are blood related. If that's the case, then a spouse is not "real" family (or at least we hope not).

Here's the thing...

Being adopted is actually more legally binding than giving birth. My children are my responsibility: legally, financially, emotionally and spiritually. The "real" truth is that they can grow up and leave and if something horrible happens, I can disown them, write them out of the will and never have anything to do with them again. THAT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN...but it could. As an adoptee...my dad cannot ever do that to me. My parents actually swore to a judge that they would be legally tied to me for the rest of their lives.

You've heard the saying, "Blood is thicker than water," but not in America. Adoption is thicker than anything...even marriage. If you marry and things don't work out, you can...divorce. If you adopt and things don't work out, you'll just have to figure it out! You cannot un-adopt.

Here's the other thing, the law looks at my parents as biological parents. My birth certificate has been re-issued with my parents names on the mother and father lines. Which also mean, my parents are grandparents to my kids. My parents didn't adopt their grandkids...they are just the grandparents.

All this to say, I love adoption. I saw this amazing video today and these emotions were flooding over me. My mother had a plaque in our home my whole life with the "Adoption Creed". My favorite line said, "I didn't grow under your heart but in." I was told my whole life that I was chosen. I was told my whole life that I was a blessing, an answer to prayer and a gift. I was told that I was redemption in my mom's heart because she wanted me so much.

So watch this video...I don't know about the organization but this is an amazing video.


New Film Premiere - I Like Adoption. from ILikeGiving.com on Vimeo.

I LOVE ADOPTION!