He called me to do what?

That's how I felt about this time last year. I just wanted to have a direct phone call with God. All I kept thinking is "He called me to do what?"

Just about a year ago, God clearly called our family away from the church we had been attending for almost 8 years. It was the only church my girls knew. I was the church I landed in as a "grown up". I was the church all my friends attend. I was all I really knew as well.

As God prepared us for this move, He started to pull me out of all the things in which I was involved. He started quieting my time. In that quiet, I heard Him clearly. I watched how those changes affected my life. As I stopped being as involved, I started feeling some distance with friends.

My heart broke when we realized that was what was happening. If you don't know me really well, I'll just tell you that I don't like change (not that most people do). The other part here is that I have social anxiety. Making friends is very difficult for me and meeting people is even more difficult.

I think I was at my church for a year before I really allowed myself to talk to anyone. To be fair, I did come to that church very wounded and cried through every service for the first year. I don't think it's very much fun to go introduce myself to someone new with blood shot eyes and a running nose. Just as God planned, doors started opening for me to get involved at church. I started making friends and then meeting their friends and the next thing I knew, all my friends were from church or through church friends. I could literally trace all my friends back to church.

Nice and comfortable with all my friends, God spoke clearly into our lives in a moment of a family loss and asked us to leave. "Where?" we asked and there seemed to be no answer right away. At first, all we knew was where we were not to go. We went here and there....and after several months of feeling lost, God brought us to our current church this past summer.

We love our church but there are a few things that scared me right away about our church. First, I knew I wouldn't be going to church with any of my friends. Even though I had friends that happened to leave our church, I knew they wouldn't end up at the church we were. Second, this church was much smaller. This would seem like it would be easier to meet people, but that hasn't been the case. I met people at my last church through events and volunteering. Smaller church means less events and actually I need a break from volunteering for a bit. Lastly, our church is full of strangers. Every Sunday I go to church in a full on panic attack. I'm completely uncomfortable before and after church. When people approach me, I really want to die and somehow because I have the look of fear on my face, I'm pretty sure it keeps most anyone from approaching me anyhow.

The thing that has been the hardest about this move has been my friends. I used to count on seeing them at least once a week and chatting for at least a moment here and there. I seem to never see my friends anymore. I have a handful with whom I am good a keep in touch...the masses are gone. I don't get invited to events anymore from people I thought were my friends. I don't blame them...out of sight out of mind. They don't see me so they don't think to invite me to things. It's hard though, when the few with whom I do keep up, tell me the stories of this or that they did with such and so.

I used to have a calendar full of events related to church and events for friends. Now my calendar is my family busyness and that's it. I haven't made many new friends at my new church. I pray often that God will give me courage to talk to people and I have talked with a few here and there. I actually know several people at church already and that helps....but I miss my friends. I miss standing around after church talking about kids and husbands and life. I miss talking on the phone the next week about the sermon. I miss the impromptu trip to eat out together. I miss them.

I know our family is where we are called to be. I know God has a purpose for this move. I know we are apart of a mission not yet defined. I know this is right. My kids are excited to go to church. I look forward to every service. I love the worship and the sermons. I love the attitude of worship and I agree with the church's missions.

I just miss my friends.

Adoption...it's a beautiful thing.

So hubby and I went to look at adopting a new dog. We have been looking for quite some time. We've been arguing about what breed, how many, when... It has to be just perfect. We already have an amazing baby (dog, yep we're the dog people that call our dog a baby).

So yesterday we finally bit the bullet and went to look at a couple different options. The first breeder had Shar Peis and though they are my favorite with balls of wrinkles, hubby was not sold. Then he took me to look a this beautiful Pitty. I do love Pitties, but I didn't want a girl Pitty being our baby is part Pitty and also a girl, we could have some fighting issues.

Finally, on a whim I made hubby come with me to the Chihuahua breeder. That was it. We were sold. We couldn't decide on one...so we took them all! Meet the newest members of the Morrison Clan (names still to be determined).

The Morrison Clan pack of Chihuahuas 

Okay...not really. Totally an April Fools....but please play along on FB. I'd love to see how many people fall for it ;)

He should be 35

Last Friday, March 23rd, would have been my first husband's birthday. He should have been 35. He's not...

He turned 30 and then stopped. Just 3 months before his 31st birthday, he passed away. Actually he celebrated his 30th birthday in the ICU. I remember waking to 15+ ICU nurses and techs singing to him. I laid on my cot, facing the window and cried.

Garrett's last birthday celebration was in the hospital. 30 is supposed to be a mile stone, a moment in one's life he will always remember. I guess in someways it is...just for me, not him.

Each year, the girls and I get a Boston Cream Pie (his favorite dessert) and have a piece in his honor. The first year without him, many friends and family member joined us for a big celebration...we called it his "Forever 30" party. The second year, it was just me & the girls celebrating. Now the past two year, we have cake with our family and though it's weird for Ryan and the kids, the kids secretly look forward to having Boston Cream Pie.

This year, I couldn't eat one bite. We had the cake twice and I served everyone else. I couldn't even get it to my plate. I laid in bed and cried. I cried, "He should be 35 but he's not." I was supposed to grow old with him. I was supposed to have a lifetime with him. I laid there and just cried...because he should be 35!

Over the past several years, I have grieved so many losses. I lost my husband...and his family. Then I started loosing our friends one by one. Most of his friends have moved on. I woke up one morning and realized I have very few people around me that remember him, not the sick him...HIM. My girls don't seem to really remember him anymore. They parrot back the same stories I have told over and over. There are so many stories... So many stories that are just lost. We have a couple dozen pictures of him (that aren't our wedding pictures). We have a really short video he made in the hospital. Most of my last pictures of him got stolen on a disc. He's fading and I can't seem to hold on to him for them.

Celebrating his 27th birthday with friends at Gunther Toodies in  Denver

He should have been 35. We should have had Boston Cream Pie together. We should have been talking about our future. We should have been celebrating the girls milestone. He should be 35.

This is our last picture together before he got sick...and it's not even focused!

World Water Day!

This post was going to be on Saturday after tomorrow's post about our family doing Random Acts of Kindness (RAOK)...but today is World Water Day and I really want people to join the cause! All donations today are being matched, so a $5 donation turns into $10!

Our family made a donation to a wonderful cause featured on a friend's blog. My friend Mandy, is fundraising donations to hire well mechanics in India. It takes $550 to train a mechanic. One mechanic with care for 50 wells and that will bring water to 5,000 people. This is an amazing adventure and I pray they meet their goal.

Check out Mandy's blog: Houle House

She has already raised enough money to train 3 mechanics and is going for 4!

Give here.

Right now she is doing a raffle and the prizes are amazing. Some are local to Colorado Springs to receive the items and others can be nation wide. A small donation can make a world of difference. Please consider donating today. I am donating a hat I created to the raffle as another part of this RAOK.

The raffle is here and just message her the item on which you want to bid!

Today's Random Act of Kindness was also Paying it Forward. This blessing will keep on going. There are many ways as a family we want to do our RAOK and sometimes, like today, I didn't even leave my bedroom. A couple clicks today will help change tomorrow.

My dad taught me...

So recently many people have been sharing a blog on Facebook. The article is 50 Rules for Dads of Daughters. Check it out. It is totally worth reading even if you're not a dad or a daughter.

As I read this I thought of my dad who, by the way, is totally my hero. I wanted to be him when I grew up. I can't really be him when I grow up but I did totally marry a man like him.

As I read the 50 rules I can see many my dad followed and of course some he made up along the way. So I wanted to reflect and take a minute to come up with the 25 things my dad taught me, many stemming from those 50 rules...and in no particular order.

That's love...getting ready to give your daughter away!

1.  Whistle. This may be the very first thing he taught me. He used to walk around with me as a baby and whistle to me. The story goes that when I was just 6 months old I whistle back. Today I still find myself whistling around the house. It certainly can brighten any day.

2.  Math. He used to do "story problems" in the car with me to get me better at mental math. He always helped me with math and made me think it through even if the teacher said it needed to be done way. I wouldn't say I'm a math genius but I can do math!

3.  Slow down. My dad was usually the last one to finish dinner (unless we were having peas, then it was me). In our home, we sat at the dinner table together until everyone was finished. I learned to slow down and enjoy my food and my family. Today, my family sits around the dinner table until everyone is finished.

4.  Ask for help. I watch my dad receive help with humility and grace and give help without expecting anything (to include a thank you). He didn't do it all and I learned I didn't have to do it all either.

Just too many sock...so I asked for help...Amazing kiddos to the rescue.

5.  Pray. This may be one of the most important lessons. He prayed aloud with me, for me and just near me. I learned how to pray by his example.

6.  Love the outdoors. My dad is an outdoorsmen. He used to say that he was going to run away to be a hermit in the mountains. I told him that would be really hard to do since we would all follow him. Because of him, I love camping and hiking and being outdoors (as long as there aren't mosquitoes eating me alive).

At the edge of a water fall near Creede, CO.

7.  Throw. I still throw like a girl but that's certainly not from lack of trying. My dad bought me a baseball mitt and ball, a basket ball and a football. He taught me to throw all of them and catch too. Though I didn't like it, I liked that he wanted to teach me and so I tried.

Even taking me to games didn't improve my throw.

8.  Persistance. He taught me to keep trying, to not give up and to get back up. I was probably the biggest chicken when it came to trying new things. He didn't yell. He didn't stop trying to teach me. In fact, he gently encouraged and sometimes skillfully bribed. I learned to go down slides, jump into pools and ride a bike. Eventually I ended being adventurous and made him ride all the roller coasters...and he did.

As the stories go...he dumped me over on my face in this sled.

9.  Dance. Okay, he didn't really teach me to dance, but I "danced" by standing on his feet while he held my hands. Then later he danced with me at weddings and daddy/daughter dinners. He then taught me to never forget to dance. 

Dancing with dad on my wedding day.

10.  Date. Yes he taught me how to date. My dad dated me my whole life (and if you're reading this dad, we're a little overdo on our date). We would go to breakfast when I was little. Dinner when I was older and sometime dessert if we didn't have a lot of time. We even took a few trips camping (just the two of us).

Daddy/Daughter Banquet 2008...he even bought me a corsage

11. Friendship. Not only is my dad one of my best friends but he also modeled friendship. He has amazing friends that he has had all my life. He holds himself accountable to them, prays with them and has a lot of fun with them. I learned all these things by watching and experiencing it.

Friends & family from all over the country that came when my mom passed away.

12.  Laugh at myself. My dad probably teased me more than anyone ever in my life (in a loving and playful way). He taught me to not take myself or things too seriously, to laugh and to let loose a little.

Nothing better than a profession photo with my tongue hanging out.

13.  Fish. Okay, he probably did most of it, but he took me fishing. Yes, he put the bait on the hook and took the fish off the hook. He filet the fish and then cooked it too, but he always told others about all the fish I caught and let me tell my very own fish stories.

Papa teaching my girls to fish.

14. Drive. My dad is an amazing driver. He knows how to drive defensively and now I do. I know how to drive in the snow, get out of a skid and park a beast in a small spot. I know how to merge (I don't think anyone else in CO knows how to do that). I know how to avoid accidents and I'm not an aggressive driver.

Yep...that's about how I feel thinking about teaching a teenager to drive!

15.  Car maintenance. Well this may be the thing about which I learned the least...but I know how to change a flat, check my oil, refill some of the fluids and start a car with a manual coke. Because this is the end of my knowledge, I learned to call when things go wrong. Now, being married to a mechanic, I think I may have let most of this information go and have used that brain space for other things.

16.  Mow. He taught me how to mow the lawn, pull weeds and edge the grass. I don't like doing it but I certainly know how. I think he taught me so he wouldn't have to do it but nonetheless I learned!

17.  Drill. He taught me how to use power tools. I used a saw, sander and a drill. He bought me my first tool kit when I moved out on my own and I still have it. Though I married a very handy man and don't need to do much home repair, I know what tool to hand him when his head is under a sink or he's on a ladder.

18.  Generosity. He always gave what ever he had whenever it was needed. He helped friends and neighbors. He worked on repairs at the church and even a few places I worked. He always told me that God blessed him with things so that he could give them. He knew that God would continue to provide and so he continues to give. I cannot begin to thank him for the generosity he has shown my family.

Dad & Diane on vacation with our family.

19.  Punctuality. Okay, I'm not great at this but it's not because I didn't have a great teacher. My dad was always punctual. He took pride in being on time to things and be respectfully of other people's time. 

20. Humility. My dad is the most humble man I know. I watched him take responsibility for things that he did wrong. I watched him respond to lessons learned with grace. I watched him admit he was wrong. Somehow through all of that it made him look perfect in my eyes.

Takes a certain kind of man to dress up & stick on a beard for a church event.

21. Eat, Drink and be Merry. Yep, my dad knows how to have a good time. It seems every family function is about a little wine, a lot of food and a whole lot of fun. He busted out the moves on the Wii "Just Dance 3" this Christmas.

That's some Just Dance 3 on the Wii...caught ya ;)

22. Love music. I may have never loved music the way I do if it wasn't for my dad. I grew up with so many records and the radio. I discovered The Beach Boys and Simon & Garfunkel but also Phil Driscoll and The Gathers. We listened to the oldies and Christian music and a little Willie Nelson too. I didn't grow up listening to Pop music and seemed to be out of the times as a teen. I grew up listening to my dad's music. Today, I still listen to his music, have found some of my own and still don't listen to much Pop music.

Yep, that's me at a piano recital a million years ago.

23. Love God. My dad loves God. My dad loves God. I thought that sentence deserved to written twice. He had taught me about God and loved God my whole life. I feel I have an intimate and blessed relationship with God because my dad loves God.

Reading verses at his dad's memorial service

24. God's love. Yep just reversed that previous one and my dad taught me about God's love.

25. Nap. Yep that's my favorite...saved it for last. My dad always knew how to take a nice nap in his chair and I do love me some naps!

*Now don't get me wrong, my mom took part in teach many of these. I love my mom and they were partners in life, love and raising me. This is just a tribute to my dad. I love you dad. There are many, many more lessons I could post but I felt 25 was a nice number...also I didn't think people would want to read the millions of things my dad taught me.

Water polo...no horses needed

So my sister-in-law, Lulu, is in her PhD program in Arizona. She's on their water polo team. She played for Colorado College (CC) while she was there getting her undergraduate. She came here last weekend for a tournament and even played against CC with a few of her past team mates.

We had the pleasure of watching her play. When I told a friend, his first response was (I hope jokingly), "Do they throw the horses in too?" This, of course, caused hubby to say they should ride one of the other players. He and his uncle spent the rest of the game reinventing water polo. The new game included ride another player and having mallets which then turned into Lacrosse stick and flinging the ball into the net. Though I'm sure that would be very entertaining to watch, I'm not sure it's really going to turn into a competitive college sport.

Lulu is the goalie with the red on her cap.

Amazing save...man she come high out of the water!

She's got an arm on her.

When she throws...

...she can get the ball 1/2 way across the pool!

Another amazing save.

Cass watching Auntie Lulu

Megan

Cute face Haley.

Alex watching with cousin Tristan

Cousin Tristan with Aunt Amy

Watching the game.

Aunt Margaret & Uncle Chris with Ryan

Another Engagement...they say they come in 3's

WOW! This is the year for love or something! I have yet another engagement in my life. This one is family. My brother is FINALLY marrying Kelsey. We already consider her family so I guess this just makes it official.

I can't wait to celebrate with them. I don't know any of the details because the men in my family are just like that. I found out on FB. Oh well, at least I found out in advance. I found out my dad got married after the fact. He happened to mention it as they were shopping for a TV at Best Buy. To be fair, it was just the civil wedding (at the DMV). I actually did get to be in the ceremony and do a reading. I feel blessed to have been a part of their wonderful day.

To Kelsey, Mike & Aiden (my nephew), I can't wait to celebrate the "official" joining of your family. I hope you have many happy years ahead of you. I pray for a blessed, long marriage. I couldn't be more happy for you. I've been praying for you guys for so many years and will always pray for you. I pray you have all your hopes and dreams fulfilled. I pray not only for a beautiful wedding, but for a beautiful marriage. I am so excited to have another sister!

It seems like just yesterday it was my dad, my brother, the girls and me. Now we have big, beautiful family (really big...thanks Diane). Here's to you...

Congratulations!

Kelsey's Ring