Mother's Day: friend or foe

We are just a typical blended family, if there is such a thing. In this house there are two parents, five kids and two dogs. Full time, there are only two parents, two kids and one dog. All other members in this family are part time members, having two houses, two rooms, and two sets of rules.

I struggle with being "fair" to the whole family. I struggle with days like Mother's Day. A step-mom is second to mom on Mother's Day (as it should be). Inside though, I hurt because I go out of my way to teach my kids (all of them) to honor their mom. To tell the truth, shopping for an ex does not exactly feel honoring to me.

This year I took them all to get their pictures taken for Mother's Day. This was a way to dig me out of some of the pain. I gave pictures to all the moms of their kids (or grand kids) and I got pictures too: two birds (or more) with one stone.


But back to fair, is this fair to all involved? My step-kids want to honor their mom and somehow also honor me. They spend the day with their mom. They give their mom gifts; gifts we purchase. I think step-mom means: taxi driver, homework helper, meals fixer, boo boo healer, school project assistant, sleepover provider, party thrower, etc, but somehow it does not mean mom. The step means not. I am not-mom. Fair?

My friend Wil described to the kids one afternoon, love is like buckets. You have a bucket of love for each person you love. You don't have to empty or put down any buckets to pick up another one. In fact, the more buckets of love you have, the more you can hold.

So people can love more than one person. Kids can love more than one parent. Parents can love more than one kids. But somehow that does not always translate to step-moms. The fairy tales do not tell of the story of the evil mom, but rather the evil step-mother. This begs a question: does society take part in the "unfairness" to step-moms?

Interestingly enough, as I was at the store looking at cards, Mother's Day cards take up a whole row. Do you know how may step-mom cards there were at the store I was: 5!!!! Hundreds of cards for mom, FIVE for a step-mom. So even the materialistic part of this world does not promote honoring step moms.

Now not to say one could not buy a Mother's Day card for a step-mom, it just does not seem popular to do so. I do, however, feel honored! My husband works very hard to honor me and though it is not fun to change schedules with the exes, he did so I will have a dinner with all the kids on Mother's Day. I did not get this last year and I may not get it next year, but this year I have dinner with my whole family. Thank you Ryan.

In the midst of this, I want to jump up and say to all my step mom and foster mom friends, "I love you and want to honor you on Mother's Day." You may not have given birth to the kids you raise and you may not get "honored" by your step/foster kids on Sunday. You do, however, get up in the night when they cry, change diapers, run kids all across town to see their mom, help with homework, change the sheets, fix the meals and dry the tears. They may not give you the card they made at school for Mother's Day, but they do love you and so do I. I keep going because of the women you are to them and to me! Thank you God for step moms and foster moms.

I know I am not the only mom who feels like Mother's Day is a foe. I know moms struggle whether or not they are step-moms. I know I am not alone in this struggle and in some ways, I knew for what I was signing up. So is Mother's Day a friend or a foe? Maybe I'll have some more insight next year.