So I feel like writing is just something that just comes naturally. Sometimes I struggle finding the perfect words at first but it doesn't take long for me to find them. I may hit delete a few times and start again, but in the end I usually find the words.
I've heard people talk about writer's block and I've been blessed to not experience that yet. I know many people who cannot seem to put their thoughts into words and into print. For me, that is not a problem.
I have to thank my mom. She seems to be the fire behind my passion. She was a wonderful writer. She had all sorts of talents, though I feel she never really saw them for what they were. I love what she did for me. She edited every piece of written work I wrote for years.
I would like to think she would be so proud of me. I would like to think she would be cheering me on as I write. I would like to think she would be the perfect editor for the book I will write.
But what's really interesting is I had other cheerleaders and I never knew it.
My grandma passed away last month. My dad & I traveled to her funeral. It was so weird. I got to see my cousins, some of whom I hadn't seen in 19 years. I realized I spent almost every Christmas at my Grandma's house with family growing up...and then. Well, we all grew up and had our own families. We stopped coming around at Christmas by the time we were teens.
All of the sudden, I felt really horrible. My grandma had probably been trying to get us all together again for years. We didn't do it until she was gone. My heart hurt.
Why? Why do we wait to get together? Why do we all talk about getting together and then never do?
Well, it was nice to get together. I missed my cousins and even got to spend time with some of my family with whom we never really got to spend time.
And then there were the scrapbooks...
Grandma scrapbooked a lot! She took this to a new level. She started scrapbooking before you could buy supplies at the craft stores, before you could easily copy pictures, before all the cute papers and embellishments.
As I looked through her scrapbook, I realized my Grandma kept track of everything in my life even if I didn't do the best to keep her in the loop. She had pictures of my girls every year. I had sent them, but I guess I never realized they were going into a scrapbook with a section dedicated to my girls. She even had pictures of major events at which she did not attend. My mom must have sent her some photos.
Then as I poured through the books, my cousin told me she read my blog every time. I never knew. I had no idea. She read every word I wrote. She was faithful to keeping in touch even though I did not pick up the phone, even though I did not write, and even though I had stopped visiting for the past few years.
Since she passed away, I haven't really wanted to write this post. It was the realization that I had one less reader. I don't have many reader or followers. I don't have many that keep in touch. I don't care if the world reads what I write. I write because God gives me the words to write. I write because I have a story to tell. I write to process life. I write because I love it and because my mom would have loved it. I write so often in honor of my mom.
Today...
Today I write in honor of my Grandma. I wish I would have know she was reading what I wrote...I would have written more to keep her in the loop. I wish I would have know about her scrapbooks...I would have sent more pictures. I wish I would have known...
I didn't know because I didn't call enough. I didn't know because I stopped visiting the past four years. I didn't know because I never asked.
Somehow, my Grandma ended up being my biggest cheerleader and I never knew. My Grandma was almost 90 when she passed. She had a cell phone. She had Facebook. She read Blogs. My Grandmas was a techie...
She followed me. I wish I would have know.
