We're a blended family...not whipped. We're not broken nor do we need your help fixing things. Yes, all the kids in my home have a different combination of parents. Do you need to know who "belongs" to whom?
Let me ask you this...would you walk about to an acquaintance that was pregnant and ask who the father was? Then why do you ask me who the father is of my children or which ones are mine? They are all mine. I mother all of them. I may not be the only mother but I am the mother in my home in which they live either some or all of the time.
I don't try to pretend I know what it feels like to be their mom. I don't try to act as though I am the authority and the end all et all for them. I just take care of them and love them.
I cook. I clean. I take kids to appointments and school. I help with homework. I make them do chores. I care for them when they are sick. I tuck them in at night. I wake them in the morning. I buy them clothes and school supplies. I listen to their problems and help them find their way. I throw them parties and buy them gifts. I make special holiday dinners and clean up after it all.
I'm not the only adult who makes decisions on their behalf and sometimes I don't get to make the decisions but I have to carry them out. I love them just the same. I don't feel more or less love for any of my kids. The only difference is I have loved some for a longer period of time. That's it!
I'm pretty sure I just love them all. You don't have to tip toe around my family and figure out who calls me mom or my husband dad and make sure you address us the same as they address us. It's okay to call me mom and know my kiddo may call me by my name. It's okay to call us "your parents" and you don't have to say "dad & step-mom". My kids know what you mean. I am after all a step-parent so I have earned the title "parent". It's not okay to ask about who is their "real mom" or "real brother". We're all real. Just as isn't not okay to ask adoptive families anything with "real" as a descriptive word for a person. We are not mythical creatures. We all live and breath.
You may want to know how people are related in a family but unless you are close enough to be considered family (in which case you already know), then it's none of your business. Blood does not make family...love does.
If blood makes family, then my husband isn't family. Hmmm...doesn't quite work out does it?
I say follow the clues. If I say, "Hey, I want you to meet my step-daughter" then it's obvious I'm drawing the lines. You don't know why nor do you get to ask. Maybe mom and step-mom have an agreement or dad and mom don't want a fight with mom or the kids are uncomfortable when things aren't clarified. Here's the thing...it's none of your business.
When I say I have three daughters, 1- 9th grader and 2- 7th graders, it's natural to ask if I have twins. When I say, "No, we're a blended family" it's not okay to say, "Which one is yours?" In fact so many people have been so disrespectful to our family that we've actually started a joke to see if anyone will catch it. When asked if they girls are twins, we have actually told many of that they are nocturnal twins. People don't even seem to bat and eye and just continue on with the conversation.
Well if you're not smart enough to see what I've just said then I'm sure you're not smart enough to understand our family dynamics. We don't fully understand it so why would you?
In fact we have told people they are identical twins several times...I think you have to have some fun with stupid people some times.
Here's my identical twins:
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| Family fun on our last family hike! |
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